The journey to being an authentic, whole human is always difficult. A new favorite movie of mine is The Barbie Movie and one of the reasons is because it casually addresses truths we overlook. These truths can be humbling, even embarrassing, because they are so obvious and reflect our weaknesses. “Being human can be very uncomfortable. We create things like patriarchy and Barbie just to deal with how uncomfortable it can be.” The division between truth
and self-delusion can be impossible to know - at least, it is without a trusted outside perspective. Learning to trust after trust has been lost is very difficult. When faced with the inconsistencies and pain of dealing with other people, it is easiest to simply discard the effort as a waste of time. As though giving of our best selves is only ever an opportunity to be abused, misused, or misled. The trouble with that is that past lessons do not translate well to the present problems. Any parent of multiple children will tell you that their first child did nothing to prepare them for the realities of the second, or the third, and so on. The journey to harmony between what is Within and what is Without is a life-long struggle because each day is going to be something new and unexpected. Moving forward is not easy to do when one eye is constantly looking in the rear view mirror or with an anchor still chained to your worst memories. Spinning one’s wheels is not progress. Loss leaves room for the new. Change sweeps away the grime and filth. Release is required for ascendence.
It's been a challenging year, but with extraordinary rewards. In no particular order…
New, deep connections and friendships from the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Fair
The chance to prove my worth as a manager and business coordinator
New ventures in event hosting
Challenges to my preconceptions of myself and my own needs
Humbling epiphanies of self-sabotage and the fall out of learning to distrust oneself and others
Meeting my husband again for the first time and realizing how magnificent he is
Learning slowly to overcome self isolation practices, and seeking therapy
Buying into a business! Cloudnine Convenience in the University District of Seattle has the potential to be a hub of service and community; I am very excited to be a part of that. The rest of the team is in sync, excited, passionate, and motivated. The store building itself needs a lot of TLC, but we don’t own the building so this is also a lesson in diplomacy and deep cleaning.
Learning about the man my son is becoming, and "vibing" with his dreams.
Remembering that my power to heal should not just be for others, but for me as well.
SoundBody performances! Upcoming: Octoberfest at Remlinger Brewery in Carnation, WA on September 23rd; The Hidden Door in Shoreline, WA on September 30th!
The future is unknown, but we plant its seeds today. If what we plant is healthy and good, and if we give those seeds attention and nourishment, then the future - while not guaranteed - is much more likely to be a bountiful harvest. Denial of self and of the potential for goodness in unlikely scenarios is only ever going to starve those seeds and, ultimately, oneself. May you be happy, may you be well, may you be loved and know peace. -The Mercenary Muse
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